1. Of the billions of planets in the universe, which one does Melanie Phillips inhabit?
2. What is the point of the Daily Express?
3. Why is the BBC deploying 850 people to cover the royal wedding when it only takes one drunk uncle to hold a camera at other peoples’ weddings?
4. When a sleazy celebrity kiss-and-tell story appears in a red-top, who emerges smelling of roses?
(a) the celebrity who cheated?
(b) the jilted lover on a get-rich-quick mission?
(c) the tabloid that splashes the story on its front page?
(d) the scandal thirsty British public?
(e) Max Clifford?
(f) the lawyers acting for most of the above?
5. Would it be (a) wonderful, (b) brilliant or (c) fantastic if a gagging order were to be served on Richard Littlejohn? Or would he (d) be missed in a masochistic sort of way?
6. Why is everyone getting steamed up about democracy and the AV referendum, when Prime Ministers won’t open their mouths without the implicit approval of Rupert Murdoch?
7. How creepy do you find the Barclay brothers?
8. According to Rebekah Brooks, it turns out that the News of the World didn’t pay police for information, but other papers did. Is the following statement true or false?
The News of the World has immeasurably higher ethical standards than the rest of Fleet Street.
9. When James Murdoch authorised a payment of £700,000 to Gordon Taylor, did he think the money was for:
(a) Gordon Taylor’s birthday?
(b) a season ticket for Blackburn Rovers?
10. Over Sunday morning croissants, do Guardian readers sometimes wonder why The Observer lacks the oomph of its weekday sister?
11. *Delete where inappropriate from the following sentence:
By not opposing the BSkyB takeover, Ed Miliband is letting down *democracy/himself/the Labour party/his Dad/Haverstock Comprehensive/Great Britain/Vince Cable/John Prescott/Chris Bryant/Old Uncle Tom Watson and all/Everyone else.
12. Sienna Miller’s photograph appears beside nearly every press story on phone-hacking. Is this because:
(a) she was the only victim?
(b) she was the only victim to have ever been photographed?
(c) the hacking of her voicemails is of greater national concern than, say, those of the Home Secretary or Deputy Prime Minister?
13. When Jeremy Hunt said News Corporation’s takeover of BSkyB would boost the diversity of British media, was he:
(a) pissed off with the BBC?
(b) taking the piss?
(c) pissed out of his head?
14. Is the fact that all 175 newspapers round the world owned by Rupert Murdoch in 2003, had the same pro-war line on Iraq:
(a) a coincidence?
(b) not a coincidence?
15. In the event of reform on press regulation, who would be most suited to take on the role of regulator-in-chief?
(a) Richard Desmond?
(b) Hugh Grant?
(c) Baroness Warsi?
(c) Colonel Gaddafi?