Press regulation: proprietors and editors to fight back with new “Freedom to Leech” campaign.
FREEDOM TO LEECH STATEMENT
- Freedom to Leech is the cornerstone of democracy, our democracy.
- The “lightest touch” statutory underpinning of leech freedom would make us considerably worse off, which would make us very angry indeed.
- Any prime minister who dares to introduce it knows he will receive rightful punishment in our newspapers, lose his seat in parliament and be forced into the abused benefits system.
- The cost of a curb on freedom to leech is unthinkable. It could mean, for instance, that we can no longer leech off the private misery of scumbag families and children unless it is in the public interest.
- Public interest indeed! Why should any independent body or representatives of any elected politicians deem what is in the public interest? For centuries we have fought to establish our God given right to tell the public what to think and what is in their interest.
- Despite vile rumours to the contrary, it is we who are the are champions of ethics. We do not print sordid stories of sex and drugs by Z-list soap actor nobodies for the fun of it. Partners and children have a right to learn of the errant behaviour of their loved ones on our front pages over the Frosties. We do them, and the nation, a great service and we are proud of it.
- It goes without saying that we are best placed to judge other peoples behaviour since none of us, or our employees, has ever strayed from the straight and narrow.
- The fact that more people buy our papers when there are more sordid stories is further proof of our high moral standing. The extra income that comes our way is also useful since we can never be rich enough. And this makes us happier and nicer, which is good news for everybody.
- We have also shouldered the responsibility of helping the nation, by persuading politicians what to do at all times. When their interests do not coincide with our interests, we are sadly obliged to ridicule and/or annihilate them. It is a heavy burden, but the essence of free leechdom.
- We must fight our opponents every step of the way, notably Lord Justice Evilson, Harriet the Harridan, Nick Cleggfool and assorted anti free leech desperados. These include arsehole professors, despised intellectuals and poor, misguided liberals with their sad little Twitter campaigns.
- Chief of the infidels is the subversive Fucked Off cabal, with its debauched “spokesperson”, Hugh Hitler Grant. It is now painfully clear that, ever since his putsch in Four Weddings and a Funeral, he has been worming his way into a position from where he plans to take over Britain and the rest of Europe.
- Make no mistake. Failure to take on the enemies of free leechdom will result in either Hugh Grant or Al Qaeda running Britain by Easter.
- Remember the words of the great Winston Churchill: “We will fight them on the leeches”.
Tax Haven Leech
and other Leeches.