A Fleet Street columnist speaks out … for a change.

MickyLeaks publishes new first draft by A. Columnist on the Daily Wailey.

If I had a gun, who do you think I’d shoot?  Newspaper columnists, that’s who.

You know which ones. Those greedy keyboard carnivores who exaggggggerate, provoke and offend JUST to grab ATTENTION!!!!!!

At the very least, these high and mighty, sageless, ageless, ugly, gorgeous, obese, anorexic, socialist, Tory, striver, skiver, straight, gay, trans, black, white, pervy, foul mouthed, sanctimonious hacks should all be sacked and put on community orders.

In my community, I’d order them to wash my feet and clear my drains.  What else are they good for?  They flaunt their faux extremist views, spewing out bollocks and bile, arsehole alliterations and mawky, meaningless metaphors.

They think they’re so original with their their witty, pithy, shitty putdowns.  If you ask me, their “opinions” are as UNcontrived as Russian Rioja and as profound as a pig’s puke.

Where is their humility and humanity?  On the Hitler scale of one to ten, they’re at minus 500.  And that’s being generous.

Trouble is, the more one slags ’em off, the more readers they get, which translates into more dosh for the big, boring, brass-necked bigots to blow in on booze.

Now, where’s my Uzi – and my boozey?

Note to editor: if you think this is too wishy-washy, I can always sharpen it up.

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